But If I Could Go Back and Do It All Again
by Mikozume
Summary: The first time Karkat had met them, they were too bright to miss. Maybe it was all the lights in the club meeting in one spot right over them and dousing them in colorful lights, maybe it was the pure white of her dress that was impossible to miss in the see of dirty, dark colors, maybe it was his hair and his eyes, but something about them made him walk over without thinking.
1. When First Love Ends

_**AN: This story can also be read on Archiveofourown: /works/6531964/chapters/14943760**_

 _ **And Wattpad: 243945665-but-if-i-could-go-back-and-do-it-all-again-when**_

The first time that Dave met them, it was ten at night and he was really supposed to be home. Eridan would have his head when he got back home, sure, but Dave remembered not being able to care enough to hustle home and scrounge up an apology. It wouldn't have meant much, anyway, and wouldn't have changed much. She was there in the lights, looking slightly sullen and bored, and dressed in a dress so white he was sure it should have been covered in stains. And when he'd showed up, he had been dressed in a baggy sweater that gave off a clear 'I don't care! Fuck off!' vibe, that hadn't really made Dave want to fuck off. So he'd stayed, he'd pestered them.

The first time Terezi met them, it was ten at night and she was fairly sure that she was pretty high up on the 'sin-scale'. Skipping a nightly church group to sneak into a _club_ when she was _underage_ and should have been spending her time with the _lord?_ Tyranny. To repent for her sins, she'd made sure to wear her best church dress. And while she really had been trying her best to soil it (parental spite would have been bonus points), everyone was being cautious of it, spilling their drinks on _other_ people. How rude. Couldn't people tell when someone was out to spite their weirdly religious parents? Evidently not. When she'd first seen them, she'd been standing off by one of the tables. And when the first of the two had shown up, his red eyes had looked almost _fake,_ with how vibrant and surreal they looked. And he'd looked tired, but he managed to look like he was the most awake he'd ever been at the same time. And when he spoke, his voice was smooth and soft in a way that didn't really fit him. In a way that completely contrasted the second of the two to show up. And when the second _had_ shown up, looking just as sullen and grouchy as Terezi had felt prior to meeting the boy with the red eyes, his voice had been gruff and scratchy in a way that should have been loud but wasn't. And maybe, subconsciously, she knew to weasel her way into their lives. But how could she have known that they'd go from two strangers at the bar to her boys?

The first time Karkat had met them, they were too bright to miss. Maybe it was all the lights in the club meeting in one spot right over them and dousing them in colorful lights, maybe it was the pure white of her dress that was impossible to miss in the see of dirty, dark colors, maybe it was his hair and his eyes, but something about them made him walk over without thinking.

And they hadn't said anything, at first. They'd stood in silence for the longest stretch of time before she'd finally spun on her heel to face them. "Raise your hand if you're legally allowed in this club right now," her grin was shark-toothed and mischievous, in a way that probably should have been just a little intimidating but wasn't. When Karkat didn't raise his hand and the other boy just stared at her blankly, she just grinned even wider. "That's what I thought. Who wants to ditch this joint? Anyone feeling a little," she paused to wiggle her eyebrows. " _Rebellious?_ Who's up for the teenage rebellion of doing something completely legal?"

"Like…what?" The other boy asked, quirking an eyebrow up. His voice was too soft—for him or for the noisy club, Karkat couldn't decide.

"Like _coffee._ Or one of those brooding trips to those playgrounds that angsty teens always go to in movies…" she trailed off, shooting them another grin, as if she'd already decided for them.

"I don't know you. I don't know your name. Or your birthday. Or your favorite color. Or that you're not a murderer. Or…a kidnapper. Or worse."

"Terezi. September 30. Red. No. No. And no."

" _Thanks,_ " Karkat muttered sarcastically, glancing at the other boy, who was still watching them with the same expression-less look. No help there, he supposed. " _Why_ do you want to go get coffee with strangers?"

"Because strangers are more fun. Mystery! Risk! Adventure! Rebellion! Everything that would give a mom a heart attack. Besides," she insisted. "I personally don't want to get arrested tonight. But I don't wanna go someplace dull and legal with dull and legal people who I _know._ Like I said—mystery! Risk! Adventure!" She brushed her hair off her shoulders, and Karkat watched it wash down her back in waves. It was dyed bright red and curled in a way that looked natural, though Karkat didn't really know much about that kind of thing. And though every part of his mind nagged him to say _no, that's insane, no way in hell, I'm not dying like that tonight, I don't even know you,_ some part of him must have been saying _yes, do it, do something against the rules for once, you're already snuck into a club, she's right, you like mystery right? You like adventure,_ and he shrugged against his will, giving in.

She grinned her shark-toothed grin and spun to face the other boy. He shoved his hands in his pockets, shrugging. "My mom always told me to listen to peer pressure," he mumbled indifferently.

And if Karkat thought he'd done crazy things before that night, he was fairly sure this was the craziest thing yet.

They didn't go for coffee, but they did end up at one of the parks that he hadn't gone to since he was six. The swing set, if he remembered correctly, was old and rusty and practically screamed whenever anyone sat on it.

They sat right in the dirt. When the other boy glanced at the soiled white dress, for he must have been thinking the same thing as Karkat, she just gave them another one of her shark-toothed grins and spread it further through the dirt.

"Brown's a nice color, don't you think?" She paused, brushing the dirt off of her hands before looking at them again. Her eyes were a bright shade of teal that he hadn't thought could even go into eyes. Her eyebrows were dyed the same shade of red at her hair, so Karkat didn't even have a clue what her natural hair color was.

And when he flushed because he caught himself studying her like a book, he realized that she was probably doing the exact same thing to him.

He'd been out with groups of people this late before, of course. His friends found the weirdest enjoyment in walking in the dark. It had always held an air of mystery, walking in the dark. When they didn't know where they were going or what was waiting for them, when they couldn't see clearly, when it felt like a scene right out of a movie and when nobody else was outside. And that had been exciting, yes, and he'd felt a little buzz of excitement doing it.

But that didn't even compare to that new buzz of excitement right then. That time—with those had been with people he'd known his whole way through high school. Those times had been with his parent's consent and in a place he knew like the back of his hand.

There? There, with those two he didn't even know? There, with those two that left him scrounging up anything he could to try and figure them out? He didn't know a _thing_ about them. He didn't know their last names—he didn't even know the boy's _first_ name. He didn't know why they were out. He didn't know why they'd snuck into the same club at him. He didn't know why she seemed so keen on soiling a perfect dress or why he looked so tired and so alive at the same time.

It wasn't just _excitement._ It was a whole new kind of adrenaline that shot through him back then. Maybe that was why Terezi had wanted to go out with two complete strangers. Karkat didn't know a _thing_ about them.

Did they get good grades? Did Terezi scrounge up strangers constantly? Were those contacts—or did that boy just have _weird_ eyes? Did he get cold easily? He was wearing a puffy sweater. Did they have siblings? What were they _thinking?_

It was almost infuriating, how little he knew about them. Or, it should have been. But instead, it was _infatuating._ It was impossible to go back home now. He had two puzzles set down in front of him and a time limit of a single night to put them together, and he was determined to get as far as he could.

"I'm Karkat." He started, hesitantly. When they both glanced at him like they expected him to continue, he flushed again. "Uh…my favorite color is red, too, I guess? It's alright, anyway. Oh, right, my birthday is June 30th. I'm…not a murderer. Or a kidnapper. Or anything."

"You hesitated," the boy mumbled under his breath, and when Karkat glanced over at him he wasn't looking right at Karkat anymore, picking at the dry dirt, instead. His voice held an air of a cocky tone, mingling with traces of hesitance of his own.

"What?"

"Before you said that you weren't a murderer. You hesitated." The boy clarified. "I dunno if I can trust you now. Sorry man."

"Shame," Karkat rolled his eyes. "You're still the one who hasn't told us your name."

"Because I haven't had the chance! Excuse you, _rude_! I'll have you know, I'm not a murderer. Or a kidnapper. Or worse. I like red, my birthday's December 30th. The name's Dave—which, by the way, is the only normal name out of all of ours."

"Excuse you, _rude._ " Terezi mocked, grinning again. "Okay, so, let's see…we all like red, and we were all born on the 30th. This is meant to be." She rolled over onto her back, still seeming to not care even a little about the prettiness of the dress and the purity of its whiteness, now soiled.

"What's meant to be?" Karkat asked intelligently. When she started to talk again, making grand gestures with her hands and grinning at her own commentary, he realized for the first time that he was carefully watching everything that they did. When Dave's eyes flicked back and forth to watch each of them carefully, cautiously, he did it in a way that Karkat never would have noticed before. When Terezi spoke, she grew excited about each topic, sending them grins and smirks.

In a solid three hours spent on the dirty floor of park, Karkat rummaged through their words for little pieces of their puzzles. He'd click them into place, when he could. He started constructing the borders for their puzzles, finding the edges and the basics. And when he found two pieces that snapped together, he'd pair them and set them carefully off to the side.

Terezi liked star signs and colors, she hated church and she was loud and vibrant. Dave was pastel, then, and he was quiet and hesitant for the better part of three hours before the cocky attitude from before reemerged and Karkat figured out that he liked dumb video games and music and irony and he hated mornings.

And he was sure they learned things about _him,_ too. If anything, they learned his phone number. He learned theirs, too, of course, because it was a three-way-commitment when it came to swapping their numbers.

And when he left later that night, it was with their numbers in his phone and a rush of adrenaline that would never allow him to sleep that night. When they'd all stood up with the silent agreement of separating, Karkat had glanced at Terezi's brown dress, which use to be a pretty white church dress and was now a brown-muddled sign of rebellion, and at Dave's tousled hair, which had been carefully done at the beginning of the night but hadn't escaped Terezi's easy-going friendliness that meant certain death to styled hair.

They'd turned away without saying anything. Not a goodbye, not a "see you later" or "we'll get together soon, yeah?". And they'd all gone different directions.

He'd felt adrenaline before. He'd felt it on all-nighters and he'd felt it when he used to play sports and he'd felt it when he snuck into that club. But it always wore off quickly, as soon as the excitement was over. He'd crash, then, and he'd sleep for a good few hours and that would be that.

The adrenaline stayed with him all throughout the walk back home. And when he stuck the key in the lock and twisted it and opened the door and stepped into an empty house, it had stayed with him. The silence of the house was almost deafening—he hadn't been able to remember the last time he had been home by himself like this. Maybe a few years ago, for a couple of hours?

Either way, he'd stubbornly refused to go up to Ohio to see his grandparents with the rest of his family. And, because he was a trustworthy kid who got good grades and always behaved, they were fine with him staying home alone.

But maybe he was there at the club on an act of rebellion, too. Maybe he was there to be the stereotypical kid who was sick of being good, and wanted to be bad. The protagonist of his own novel, yearning to be somebody else.

And if Dave had been there on his own act of rebellion, it was something that only he'd known.

It had made Karkat wonder, though. It had made him wonder how many other seventeen-year-olds had snuck into a club that night to go off on some weird adventure with people they'd never met before.

It made Karkat almost want to see them again, as soon as he could. Because something about them called to him and made him want them to listen. Something about them made him want to drag them back until he could put the rest of their puzzles together. When he glanced back at their memory, it was filled with scattered puzzle pieces that he couldn't snap into place if he tried.

He didn't text them. That wasn't his kind of thing, anyway. They didn't text him. Maybe that wasn't their kind of thing, either. Whether or not they ever texted each other, Karkat wasn't ever too sure.

When his family got back on Monday, the adrenaline was still buzzing in him. It stuck with him all weekend, and made him want to pour out the story of the strangers from the club to each person at school.

He didn't speak about them, though. Not to a single person. Whether or not they thought about him, he wasn't ever too sure. Whether or not they ever spoke about him, or each other, he wasn't ever too sure.

He wouldn't blame them if they didn't. There was something secretly intimate about a memory like that, which only they had even the faintest idea of. Nobody else could ever know, much less even guess.

When the adrenaline eventually stopped buzzing and he eventually stopped trying to put together the puzzle pieces, he wasn't too sure of, either. It faded into the back of his mind, a memory that he would pull up sometimes.

But he never saw anyone under multi-colored lights again, and he never saw anyone wearing a soiled white dress or anyone with a baggy hoodie like his.

And if that was the last time they spoke, then so-be-it. It was a messy kind of memory that you forgot bits of, continued to question and think of long after it happened. The kind of memory that you would tell casually to someone if they asked if you'd ever done anything even a little bit crazy, so that nobody would ever know just how crazy the memory really had been, so that it could maintain its air of mystery.

" _Mystery! Risk! Adventure! Rebellion!"_

"Where were you on Saturday? We texted you, you know. Everybody else went out for a movie. You didn't answer, though." Lunch trays clacked on the table, noisy chatter filling up the silence that lingered between them while Karkat decided how to reply.

"My family went up to Ohio to see my grandparents…they live in this really old house, though. They're completely convinced that technology is used for satanic greed or something." Karkat shrugged, attempting to brush off the question.

"Right," Kanaya rolled her eyes slightly. "Except you hate going to your grandparents' house. I thought you weren't going to that."

"I _wasn't,_ " Karkat muttered, sliding into his seat and snapping open the can of Coke. "But have you met my mom?" It was a plausible lie. He'd never flat-out said that his mom had okayed his plans, of course. And he'd been surprised when his mom had said yes—everyone had been, when he'd told them he planned on just staying home.

But, he'd been a good kid who would never illegally sneak into a club and go out with two random strangers to sneak onto an old and rusty park.

Kanaya hummed in a way that made it clear she didn't believe him, but let the topic go as everyone else slid into their seats at the table. Of course she didn't believe him—and because he'd taken the effort to hide where he'd been that night, she'd probably keep prying into it whenever she thought he'd answer, or at least offer her a little bit of information towards the subject. Karkat was pretty certain she wouldn't get an answer, though.

He feigned his disappointment at having missed the movie and told everyone he'd been at Ohio all weekend with his family. He never _once_ texted either of them, and you'd assume that they'd manage to slip his mind completely, eventually.

They stuck with him for a while, of course, giving it their all. He didn't forget their names or their faces or their voices, and he'd still remember that night, from time-to-time.

They managed to completely escape his mind, eventually, though. Nobody remembered to hassle him about where he'd been one Saturday in the past, and Karkat forgot to be annoyed about being hassled.

He packed the puzzles up, put them into the boxes they'd come in and slid them up onto an old shelf to collect dust over time.


	2. The Moment I Remembered You Had to Go

**The moment I remembered you had to go was exactly when the whistle chose to blow**

 _October 30_ _th_ _—9 Months Later_

Senior year was the year that you got your life together, finalized choices and got started on your path to adulthood and the rest of your life. Senior year was the last year of your life before your life wouldn't really start and you'd start getting taken seriously.

Or, in Karkat's case, it was the year where you realized how _completely fucked_ you were and began your mad scramble to try to get your life to a decent point where you'd at least have enough money for some ramen and maybe college, too.

He wasn't doing terribly in his classes. He wasn't doing terribly at all, actually. In reality he was doing pretty well. Studying and testing weren't the problem, honestly. It was the _smack!_ that came from having reality hit you in the face. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to do yet. At the very least, he was going to have to take a year at a community college or something to get his required courses, seeing how he didn't have a clue what to take senior year.

Nothing that interested him would really serve as a career, to say the least. Art was a major, but the odds of landing a job that actually payed well, which he could maintain? His school counsellor had been adamant on him not choosing that career. He'd decided to listen to her, choosing instead to just take his senior year as seriously as he could with a wide variety of courses. At least one of them had to work for whatever he was going to pick, right?

God, having to pick _sucked._

The locker next to his slammed shut and Sollux took the courtesy of shutting Karkat's, too.

"Thanks," Karkat muttered, letting sarcasm drip from the comment. He made sure to add, "you look stupid as always today!" with faux cheeriness when the other boy just offered him a dumb grin.

Karkat was fairly sure he didn't actually hate Sollux. Sollux, who he'd known since he was six, was the sort of constant that Karkat couldn't really get rid of if he tried. Not that he really wanted to try. He was stupid, irritating, full of himself and obsessed with twos, but he also wasn't the worst friend Karkat had ever had. And Karkat was sure he wasn't the worst friend _Sollux_ had ever had. He didn't have to wonder, anyway. Sollux took the courtesy of complaining about someone he knew constantly, anyway. As if the answer weren't obvious. _"Just ditch the guy,"_ Karkat's reply always came coated in exasperation, but Sollux' reply was always the same.

"It's not really that easy, KK. Trust me, if you met the guy you'd understand. He's _infuriating._ "

Karkat hadn't ever met the guy, so he'd never argued past that point. That had just always been that.

"Have you made up your mind about tomorrow?" Karkat shrugged, sticking his hands in his hoodie pockets while he walked.

"Not yet…" He narrowed his eyes when he saw Sollux roll his. "Hey, shut up—!"

"Didn't say anything."

"It's hardly the best idea you've ever had. I'm not too keen on getting arrested this weekend." Karkat muttered, squeezing his way through a couple of seniors clinging together in the middle of the hallway. Was a high school infatuation really so important that they needed to _cling_ in the middle of the hallway? God, couldn't they wait to get a room?

"Come on, KK," Sollux pressed, pushing open the door to the school and glancing at Karkat out of the corner of his eye as they walked down the steps. "Don't tell me you've never done anything illegal? Never sneaked in any place when you weren't supposed to? Wait—don't answer that. Of course you haven't." Karkat huffed, shooting him a scowl.

"I have, actually, thanks." His mind seared the memory of the night at the park into his eyelids and his steps faltered for a brief moment. He hadn't thought of that in…months, probably. What made him think of that now?

"Have you, now?" Sollux goaded, sounding slightly gleeful. "What'd you do—forget to buckle your seatbelt? Come on, KK, that's, ah, not your thing."

There was ruder ways to call someone a goody-goody, Karkat guessed. "Snuck into a club when I was seventeen and home alone for the weekend, but close enough." It was incredible what spite could do. Wasn't that something that only he was going to remember?

Or was it a heat-of-the-moment choice to make the moment seem more magical than it really was? The adrenaline of the night had long since left. The adrenaline of lying and sneaking and doing things that he'd never be allowed to do otherwise was too good to just ignore. The rush from the risk he'd taken from a complete stranger, the rush of talking to strangers like that.

He'd had fun, doing that. It had been risky fun, but what was really fun if it didn't have a little risk? Even if he'd never known why they were there that night, or what they were rebelling from, they were all there to rebel from _something,_ of course. And if his was his rebellion from his parents, then so-be-it. And if his was his rebellion from never feeling that rush or breaking the rules because he was afraid of the risk, then so-be-it.

Either way, it was a rebellion and a rush. He'd had _fun_ doing that, but people did that every day. That was nothing to some people, right? Sollux wasn't wrong, of course.

"—If we go, then there'll be load of good food, because his uncle works at like, I dunno, some place. Honestly, man, I'm just going for the food. Just don't do drugs and you'll be fine. Stay in school, brush your teeth, all that shit." Sollux scoffed suddenly, glancing over at Karkat. "Please tell me you haven't already written off the answer."

"…No," Karkat mumbled, and Sollux groaned loudly. "I meant no, I haven't completely written off a yes as my answer. Because I want to go."

If Sollux was looking at him like he'd gone mad, that was hardly his fault. Karkat wasn't even sure why he wanted to go to the party. That was hardly his thing, anyway. Loud people, loud places, drunks everywhere, what was the point? Unless you were going for free booze, sex or drugs, there was literally _no_ point in going to a party like the ones at Gamzee's.

And Karkat _really_ wasn't going there for any of those things. He didn't even have a valid reason for wanting to go, anyway.

Maybe he just wanted to go because of the once-again-vivid memory of two strangers at a park and in a club against the rules.

Nonetheless, he was dragged off to a wild party with drinking and drugs and other illegal activities to partake in. The music was loud and everyone was high as a kite, lights flashed and nobody there was wearing enough clothing.

Karkat thought back to a movie he'd seen, with a party just like this one. Everyone there had been dressed in dark colors, and when the cops had shown up they'd all scattered, dropping their glasses and letting them shatter and they all split up and ran. That wouldn't happen tonight. It had just been a figment of a director's imagination and a bit of plot for an acceptable movie.

Still, he couldn't help but think of that.

When Sollux slipped away—some friend he was—and left Karkat to linger awkwardly on his own, he made a split-second decision to make his way to the kitchen. Maybe that hadn't been a smart idea, heading straight for the drinks and by extension, the drunks. But that was also the easiest place to find someone interesting, so that's where he slipped off to.

It was surprisingly empty in the kitchen. A single couple was in the corner, the girl pinned to the wall while the boy shoved his tongue down her throat. It may have been slightly concerning, if Karkat didn't see them constantly having eye sex at school. It was just the slightest bit gross, then.

Left alone with only the booze and a couple having mouth sex behind him, Karkat chose the booze. The trick to not getting picked up by a pedophile was to look busy, of course, so he settled the plastic cup on the kitchen table and pulled out his phone, not sitting but not finding any place more comfortable to stand, either. He heard someone mutter, "get a room!" as they walked in, and he silently willed himself not to glance up, for fear of being scooped up by a high school drunk he didn't know. If he looked up, he'd be dragged right into the angst of a slice-of-life romance movie, one that he didn't want to have a role in. He was better off just lingering in the kitchen than playing a starring role in a mess of a rom-com, anyway.

Heels clicked into the kitchen at the same time as Karkat heard more booze being poured into a cup, and the clink of a glass bottle being set down on the table.

" _Now_ we're going to get the party started for real!"

The voice that cheered by herself had a smooth tone, one that captured Karkat's attention. Maybe it was because it was just a nice voice overall. Maybe it was because of the memories that it wrestled Karkat into thinking of. No matter what it was, though, Karkat broke his own rule and looked up from his game.

He didn't make eye contact with her. He made eye contact with both of them at once, in a way that he hadn't thought possible prior to that day. The boy's eyes were hidden by sunglasses, and instead of a rugged hoodie he was wearing a button-up flannel, the same color as his eyes had been the first time they'd met.

And the girl wasn't wearing a pure, white dress any longer, but a teal crop-top and vibrant red pants to match her hair and her lips.

And Karkat, dressed in red as well, wondered not for the first time just what it was about those two that had drawn them together. How _impossible_ should it have been that he hadn't seen them since last year, and yet they'd ended up in the exact same room of the exact same party?

Karkat didn't believe in luck. He never had. It wasn't something that was _real,_ just a superstition in the same way that religion was only a drink to quell the thirst of fear of not knowing what came next.

He felt like there should have been something meaningful that came next, a movie-moment to stand and marvel at each other and the coincidences of life as it was. Standing and staring at one another in the kitchen of a drug party, how strange was it that they met again?

"Are you wearing sunglasses because you're high?" Terezi walked to the table, pouring herself her own drink. Karkat blinked.

"Yes," Dave replied in a monotone voice that may have been sarcasm, and may not have been. "I'm so high right now, you can't even _tell._ Gotta hide the bloodshot eyes so my mom won't get mad, y'know?"

Terezi rolls her eyes, turning to face them again. "Good, because we're ditching this joint."

"What?" Karkat shoved his phone in his pocket, wondering if she was really just going to go someplace in the middle of the night like before. If anything, Sollux wouldn't even notice, so that wasn't the problem. The problem wasn't necessarily anything, other than the fact that the idea of it was surreal.

"Well, that's gotta be our thing, right? Meet once a year or so, sneak out, that's that." Terezi shrugged. "Come if you want, I'm going out either way. There's _no_ way the cops won't find out about this one, and I'm still not looking to get arrested."

"Okay." The word slipped through his lips before he could stop it, but Karkat knew he would have agreed anyway. He'd already agreed to go since the minute they locked eyes. They turned to Dave, whose mouth was set in some unreadable emotion. He didn't say anything for a long stretch of seconds that felt like hours before he slouched out of his stance that Karkat hadn't even noticed was tense until now.

"Yeah, sure, why not."

When Karkat glanced at Terezi, she was grinning the shark-toothed grin that he'd forgotten about.

The air was cold this time. It was hardly winter yet, but it was cold enough to be. The kind of cold that was bitter and biting, used for the scenes in movies where they'd huddle by a pond and the girl would shiver, the boy would give her his coat, they'd share a first kiss and the movie would move along to its wrap-up and end.

Karkat didn't want to go anywhere near a pond in this weather, though, and he was pretty sure Terezi would sooner shove someone in a lake than play the shivering girl in a romance. She walked confidently, as if she knew exactly where they were going, even though they hadn't a clue where they were going.

That was the fun of it, Terezi had said. Karkat reminded himself once more that this was probably going to end tragically in a murder scene, but he was going to take that risk. He hadn't been killed or kidnapped or molested in any way the first time, at least, and he was going for a two out of two streak.

With Terezi in the middle of the three, scrolling through her phone for places to show up at this late at night, Dave was on her other side, looking as hunched in on himself and apathetic as he had the whole night. Karkat faintly recalled some level of apathy the first time they'd met, but it had completely dispersed within two hours. Would it take another two hours to get the energetic asshole from ten months ago to show up again?

"Coffee," Terezi said suddenly, clicking her phone off. "I hate leaving a list unfinished."

Karkat didn't bother asking what that was supposed to mean, he couldn't ever hope to understand her anyway. The confidence in her walk increased now that they had a real destination, and she took it upon herself to start a conversation. The way she acted, it was as if they had all been friends for years. She spoke about the party they'd been at before for a handful of minutes before switching over to the friend who dragged her there, before switching to the boyfriend of said friend. She kept that up, never lingering on a subject for too long, but never switching over too quickly for them to just start to begin to understand what she was saying before she completely changed topics and lost them all over again.

Being around Terezi meant staying on your toes, too, keeping your mind spinning at all times to try and keep up. She was still a fire, catching everything and captivating it. And when she disappeared, it wasn't without a trace left behind. She left the sweet smell of perfume lingering in her place when she left. She was still hard to miss, even without the blindingly white dress. She must have kept up the hair dye all this time, because her hair was still a bright red, wavy and down to her waist, bouncing with her step.

"Isn't that hard to brush?" Karkat interrupted her monologue, gesturing towards her hair. She glanced at him, following his gaze to her hair.

She shrugged, "yeah, it kind of sucks. But my mom wants my hair to be long..? I want it _short,_ but whatever."

"Then cut it." Dave's first comment since they'd left reminded Karkat of how smooth his voice was, unnaturally soft for someone so bold the first time they'd met and still managing to hold the lofty casualness as his expression.

"She'd have a fit." Terezi mumbled, before grinning again. "You know, that's not a bad idea."

Karkat tucked his fingers in his pockets to stop them from getting anymore numb and tried to decide if any of this was normal, wondering if this was something that happened to every teenager.

They didn't stay at the coffee shop for more than ten minutes, which was just long enough to figure out that Dave didn't drink coffee and Terezi liked plain coffee. Karkat wasn't _opposed_ to coffee (he couldn't be with the obscene amount he drank), but the way he saw it, it was more for keeping someone awake than for enjoyment. He stuck to green tea, which dragged a smile onto Dave's face when he saw.

"What?" Karkat asked as he snapped a lid onto the cup and watched Terezi stand up, already ready to leave.

"Of _course_ you drink tea," was all he mumbled, though he didn't drop the smile. He slipped past Terezi and to the door, tucking his hands back in his hoodie pocket.

"You made him smile," Terezi noted, too softly for him to hear. "Good. The first objective has been crossed off." When her eyes flitted back to his, she just grinned and moved to meet him by the door, pushing it open and letting the breeze ruffle Dave's hair as he followed her.

 _The first objective,_ Karkat thought, amused. _What, did she make a list?_

Terezi knew where she was going. Karkat didn't bother to ask, and Dave probably wouldn't have said anything even if he was wondering, so they just followed blindly a few paces behind her. Karkat's eyes dragged over to the other boy. His eyes were watching the cars flash by, following them briefly before flitting to the next car. Whatever emotions he was feeling, he didn't show a single thing. Whatever he was thinking, he didn't let it show on his face. The shades didn't help, either.

Terezi's feet hit the ground with the same soft click that they'd held in the kitchen, maintaining a slow pace as they walked. It smelled like rain.

When they stopped it was outside of a dollar store, dimly lit with buzzing lights.

"Wait here," Terezi commanded them, disappearing inside. Dave slouched against the wall outside of the store, pulling a phone out of his pocket. He fiddled with it while Karkat let out a long breath, watching it in the chilly air.

"It's two in the morning," Dave says, his voice as calm and flat as it had been the whole night.

"Is it? We've been out for two hours." The casualness of the exchange belongs to business partners and the politeness of adults. It's nothing like the way they'd spoken months before.

"Yeah," Dave agreed, turning his eyes back to his phone. "We walked all the way across town."

Silence fell back over them as Dave tapped his fingers in a rhythm on the back of his phone case.

"How'd you know about the party tonight? I thought only people from our school knew about it."

"Mostly," Dave agreed. He didn't look up, but Karkat watched as some of the tension that had lingered the whole night loosened. "But I've got this asshole friend who drags me to these things. Says he doesn't want to go to them by himself? Totally ditches me every time."

Karkat snorted. "Yeah, me too. See if he knows a Sollux Captor, maybe they're ditching us for each other."

Dave's response was a halfhearted salute and a, "can do." Their conversation had just trickled to an end when the door chimed loudly and Terezi reappeared with a bag hanging off her arm.

"We're blowing this joint," she announced, slipping right back into her confident walk from earlier. Dave and Karkat glanced at each other briefly as they started walking again and Dave slipped his phone back into his pocket. When he walked, he did it with his hands shoved in his pocket, slouching slightly. Had they been at the party, he would have blended in well. Hell, he would have just mixed in any place as a bored teenager. Maybe that was the point, though.

They didn't walk an inane amount of miles that time. They walked to the park where they'd gone months before. Karkat rested his hand on one of the poles holding up the monkey bars. The metal was cold to the touch, and Karkat fought back the urge to retract his fingers. "What'd we come here again for?"

" _Nostalgia,_ " Terezi replied, rifling through the bag. "And it's right by the lake."

"What do we need a lake for?"

"You ask too many questions. We need a lake in case we manage to catch something on fire. Though…the lake won't do much good. Still, safety first!"

 _How would we catch something on fire?_ Karkat bit back the question, watching her pull the contents out of the bag. She handed them each a bag of generic sparklers, setting a lighter down on the plastic table that had been sloppily put together for the playground.

"Does this answer your question, Mr. Karkat?" She purred, pulling the next few things out. A mirror, scissors, a Sharpie. "Now," she continued, discarding the plastic bag and letting it flutter away. "I'm sure you boys are _very_ excited to play with your sparklers, but first things first! The initiation."

 _Initiation. We've accidently joined a cult._

"All _you've_ got to do is sit and look pretty." She informed them, seating herself at the miniature table and picking up the mirror.

"And what are _you_ going to do?" Dave watched her from where he was standing on the other side of the table. She picked up the scissors, grinning.

"I'm going to cut my hair."

Long locks of shining red hair curled on the ground in their perfect ringlets of curls. When Terezi set down the scissors, she looked completely different from how she'd looked before. The hair wasn't there to perfectly curl around her face any longer. It had softened her features, waving down her back and all the way to her waist. It had given off an illusion of flawlessness before, making her seem soft and carefully put together.

She must have known what she was doing. The haircut wasn't messy in any way. It barely brushed her shoulders how it was now, hanging over her face in a way that didn't cover her eye like before.

It didn't give off the same look as before, though. It didn't soften her features or elude her as quiet.

But it was more _fitting_ for sure. Terezi was a wildfire, bold and daring and loud. When she glanced up from the mirror, she seemed to agree that it fit her better. She shot them a wider grin than before, setting down the scissors and mirror and picking up the Sharpie instead. Dave eyed it like he was worried she was going to tell them to draw cult signs on their hands.

She picked up her own bag of sparklers, turning around to look at them again. "We're going to write things on the sparklers, and then we're going to burn them. It's a metaphor," she twisted the cap off. "We're going to write things that we want to get rid of on them, and then we're going to light them on fire and watch them burn away in the best way possible."

She scrawled something on the stick before capping the marker up again. When the lighter ignited and she touched the flame to the tip, it burst into an array of colors, shooting off little sparks and leaving a trail of smoke in the air when she waved it, laughing.

Dave picked up the marker next, tearing the little back of sparklers open. He didn't hesitate to write something on the first stick, and then lit it on fire. Instead of waving his around like Terezi was doing, he held it out and watching it burn.

Karkat accepted the marker from him, scrawling his own word on the sparkler. When the fire touched the wood and it dissolved into color, he watched the sparks fly off and disappear into the cold air before they ever hit the ground.


End file.
